Better Allies Snippet #3

This month we're finishing out Chapter 3, with the last section focused on combating the bystander effect as an ally. Catlin covers three different situations to illustrate how allies can transition from bystanders to upstanders.

Situation One (p. 53)

Three co-workers are discussing the Black Lives Matter movement. A white co-worker interjects with “all lives matter,” which, although technically true, dismisses the intent behind the Black Lives Matter movement—highlighting the neglect and disrespect black lives receive. This shuts down the conversation, making a black colleague feel unheard and disrespected, while another colleague remains silent. Catlin suggests employing the technique of "seeking common ground then educating," explaining that the focus on black lives is due to their undervaluation, not superiority.

Situation Two

Several coworkers are in a car. Referring to one colleague's bright orange nail polish, a manager says, “you people love your bright colors,” and continues joking about black people's color preferences. A bystander remains silent out of discomfort. An upstander might instead ask the manager to clarify or point out that people of all backgrounds enjoy bright colors. Acting as an upstander could significantly improve workplace inclusivity.

Situation Three

While consulting for an organization seeking to improve research lab staff diversity, Catlin discovered a recent lunch outing was at a strip club. Recognizing not everyone would feel comfortable there, an upstander could have suggested an alternative, inclusive venue. Events should broadly appeal to all members, and inclusivity requires actively asking, listening, and responding to colleagues’ preferences.

Steps for Becoming an Upstander (pp. 55-56)

1. Be Ready: Identify yourself as someone willing and ready to speak up.
2. Verbalize What You're Seeing: Clearly point out biased behaviors or language, without accusations. Example: “Susan, you're classifying an entire gender/ethnicity/group derogatorily. Is that intentional?”
3. Compare to Past Behavior: Highlight inconsistencies with past behavior to alert others about inappropriate conduct. Example: “Jim, I've always seen you as fair-minded. I'm surprised by your remark, which sounds biased.”
4. Set Boundaries: Clearly state behavior limits. Example: “Don't tell racist jokes around me,” or “I don’t tolerate homophobic remarks at work.”
5. Create a Template: Use email or digital media templates to respond efficiently and assertively, preserving your emotional energy.

Catlin emphasizes that discriminatory behaviors can happen anywhere. Often, organizational leaders react defensively, believing bias doesn't occur within their own teams. Accepting bias as a reality we must address is critical for personal and organizational growth. Denying bias prevents learning and improvement. Allies must remain open and committed to continuous learning.

Catlin concludes by reinforcing that allyship involves advocacy and action built upon listening and learning.

Until next month—be well and keep learning!