Hello all,
This week I'm passing along a few communication tips straight from my regional library network (NNYLN) Tech-Talk Newsletter.
Of course, it's packed with specific tips for using technology (a few weeks ago I also learned how to customize my taskbar more easily), and usually includes some of the “power skills” that we all need to be more effective.
The section that caught my eye is copied below and gives tips for how to rephrase some fairly common disclaimers.
Communications: Talking
Avoid saying, "I want to be honest ..."
We’ve all done it, right? Started a response with, “I want to be honest with you,” “To tell the truth,” or “Honestly…” This technique feels like a way to show sincerity, especially when the topic is sensitive or uncomfortable.
But here’s the problem: using those phrases can backfire. Instead of building trust, they can plant seeds of doubt.
Why? Because honesty is supposed to be the default in any conversation. When you announce it, it makes people wonder, Were you not being honest before? or Is this going to be difficult to hear?
Take this example: “Honestly, I didn’t like your idea.” This can sound abrupt and dismissive, right?
A better way to phrase it would be: “I see what you’re aiming for, but I have a few concerns about how it might work.” This version is more constructive and invites collaboration.
Here's another: “To tell the truth, your report was confusing." This implies you’ve been holding back or are about to criticize.
Instead try: “There were some parts of the report I found hard to follow—can we walk through them together?” This version shows you were attentive and are willing to be helpful.
Bottom line: Skip the disclaimers. Trust is built through tone, clarity, and consistency ... not through announcing your honesty. Speak with confidence and respect, and people will naturally believe you mean what you say.
Wow!
I found these tips really helpful, and I was surprised when reflecting back on how often I use these disclaimers. I thought I was being gentle, when it seems I was possibly creating more confusion or doubt.
It would be interesting to figure out how I learned these phrases, whether they are a socially gendered set of phrases, and whether they impact people differently. That will be research for another time!
If you also use these disclaimers, I'd love to hear how you found these tips and whether you are also thinking about changing your patterns.
And finally, mark your calendars for Monday July 21st at 2pm for the EDUCAUSE WIT Community Group monthly meeting, which is focused on AI. We're calling it AI July!
Check the Educause WIT group for call details.
All the best,
Holly
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